Started writing a blog about my recent bouts of paranoia but I had such a tough time trying to put my experience of it into words that it remains a draft until now. It's probably better expressed in short and somewhat vague phrases and sentences, though the feeling I get when I get it is not even remotely vague. It is so vivid and distressing that my heartbeat probably literally goes into overdrive.
I posted this short entry in my tumblr account a few days ago. I think it deserves a reiteration in this blog as this experience is currently holding a very dominant place in my consciousness as of the moment...
A friend told me he wondered what it would be like living in my paranoia. Nowadays, I’ve been looking behind my back more often (literally and figuratively), afraid of whatever bad thing that can happen. In this day and age, the unfortunate possibilities are endless. There’s always something to be scared about. My mom told me I can’t live in fear. But my dad also told me that fear motivates us to be careful and vigilant. As with all things, there has to be some kind of balance. I think I’m straddling the line between pathological and normal, paranoia and cautiousness. Balancing balancing. Checking. Double Checking. Stopping. Looking. Listening. Being careful. Being vigilant. Being safe.
Be safe, my friends.
Love, Oli :)
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