Leave of Absence

I'm back after months of contemplating whether I should just cancel this blog or not. Blame it on laziness or lack of inspiration (which I must say is not the case so we can cross that one out now) or unmet desires? I guess, there's just something so 'unmotivating' about keeping a blog that no one actually reads. What's the point of a blog anyway? How can it be a means of expressing oneself when there's no one you're really expressing it to?

That's typically how my blogging life goes, I've discovered. I went where everyone else was. First, friendster. Then, multiply. Then, facebook (though I never really blogged anything in facebook, my status messages could've been the premise of many unwritten ones). Even twitter and tumblr. But of course, like all things in the world of technology, these networking sites phase out, lose its popularity and people go on to the next "in" thing. I find this somewhat annoying because that means I'll have to create another one of these accounts and abandon this old one that I've shared a lot of stories and experiences with and that I've, subsequently, grown to love. But it's not about hopping on to the bandwagon, if that's what you're thinking.

Take my old multiply site for example - the beginning of Sunset Diaries and probably my most successful blog to date (in terms of longevity, that is). It's filled almost to the brim with countless stories from most of my college life - in words, pictures, music, videos... everything! It's almost like a long time friend with whom you've, in a way, bared parts of your soul to (especially after you've written a very personal emo blog). Then like a hot potato, people dropped it for a cooler, hipper, endlessly more popular new friend called Facebook. Not that I'm dissing facebook. I love facebook. I'm one of it's most loyal and avid subscribers! I love how it very effectively, in a somewhat cliche sense, connects people. Which is the point, I guess. I loved multiply just as I love facebook now for its ability to connect me to people. It gave purpose to my every post. After all, why would we post something online if not for the purpose of sharing it to others? For them to read, to look at, to appreciate, even to critique. It's not even about the number of comments you get per post (not that that's not a welcome thing), but more of the idea that someone somewhere is somehow connecting with you through this post.

It's quite simple really. And it's what motivated me to start these sorts of things. The problem with this mindset is, quite obviously, it's just not very permanent or sustainable if it is solely or largely reliant on what's trendy. Which of course, doesn't explain why I've begun writing again.

You see, the past few days, I have found myself looking back at my old multiply page - reading my old blogs, looking at old pictures, listening to old recordings - and being absolutely fascinated by all these memories. I've discovered that even after years have passed, I still occasionally think the same thoughts, experience the same dilemmas, and come to the same realizations. It helped me remember experiences from the past, lessons I've taken for granted, emotions I've forgotten, people who've inspired, irritated or have made a difference in my life, friends I've lost touch with, lines from books that spoke to my soul, sights that have taken my breath away... a myriad of forgotten treasures that I unlocked with every click. It's as if an Oli, who's a few years younger, is talking to me, sharing these stories, helping present and future Oli to remember.

Inadvertently, these clicks down memory lane have lead me to an internally motivated and, therefore, a slightly more sustainable blogging existence. I've discovered a purpose for blogging that's more for myself as opposed to being directed to others (as selfish as that may sound). I no longer simply satisfy my longing to be connected with others. I am now satisfying a newfound longing to connect with myself - the past, present and future.

And with that ends my leave of absence from Sunshine Diaries. I shall stop rambling now. I really do talk too much sometimes.

Love, Oli :)