Anyway, we got around to talking about almost everything under the sun, from our chosen careers to her exciting Paris JTA to my plans of further studies abroad to relationships and marriage to children to our personal home lives and what have you. I must say, before I go into what I really planned to blog about, I must give it to Ms. Joson. She is going to go places and I don't just mean Paris.
Now, let me get back on track here (before that huge ear to ear smile rips your face in two. yes, Iya, i am talking to you!)
We also got around to talking about our relationships with our parents and my current 'hater' phase. More on the latter in a later blog! Let me first talk about how important parent-child relationships are. I would consider me and Iya living proof of the effects of different parent nurturing styles. It's classic psychology. There are many theories about it and many case studies have been done to prove it. But let me talk from a less scientific and more personal perspective. May I present the cases of Iya and Oli.
Case 1: Iya
Family Background - grew up from a loving and nurturing family; parents show a good amount of affection in the form of hugs, the occasional spoken and written "i love you's", sweet well-written letters from her mom and dad (but mostly from dad), support for her chosen career, jokes from her dad and the like.
Personality Traits (or what can also be termed as the "Crystalized Iya") - may be relatively classified as a social butterfly; has good social skills; can easily develop close intimate relationships; driven, confident, self-motivated and self-assured; goal-oriented; able to freely explore her potentials.
Case 2: Oli
Family Backgroud - grew up from a relatively nurturing family; did not receive much physical affection in the form of hugs or kisses; was not brought up to say "I love you" out loud; love was generally shown through indirect and more practical means (education received, material things, and other less concrete ways, which she nonetheless appreciates and understands to be a show of love
Personality Traits (or what can also be termed as the "Crystalized Oli") - may be relatively classified as an introvert; still struggles, though has, in a few cases, succeeded in establishing close intimate relationships; does not generally show or feel comfortable with showing affection (except to a few select relations); is relatively driven, confident, goal-oriented and self-motivated but has a tendency to second guess herself, be indecisive and insecure;
These case descriptions are NOT scientific by all means. I must admit, they are quite one-sided and biased towards proving a point.
The effects of different types of parenting on children is undeniable, which is why I believe parenting is a great big responsibility that goes way beyond providing material security to a child. Though they are vital and absolutely necessary to raise a child, parenting is more than giving children food to eat, clothes to wear, a good education, toys and the like. It is also, more importantly, the love and affection that you give them. Yes, love is manifested through working hard and providing your children with their wants and needs, but that representation is not concrete enough for a young child to grasp. A child cannot understand that you cannot play with them after school because you are too busy working hard to give them a good life! Children need warmth and affection to feel loved. In fact, in the very real context of our lives, people in general need warmth and affection. We need to be hugged, to be held by someone we trust, to be touched, to be kissed, to be told "I love you" at least once in a while... to be shown, that we are, in fact, loved (I know I'm so redundant! But I'm making a point here!). That is a reality of life and a responsibility that I strongly believe parents should never ever neglect if they want their children to grow up to be individuals who are capable of sharing and receiving love.
I could so become a good child psychologist one day! Whatcha think? HAHA!
So I say, go out and hug those you love! Kiss those whom you can appropriately kiss! SHOW someone in a very real sense that you love them! I struggle to find it in myself to show that kind of affection to the people I love everyday! But I vow to slowly be that person for them and even to my future child! I swear, that kid is going to get all the warmth and affection a future cool mom can offer!
Okay, I promise to blog about something lighter and shorter next time! HAHA! Am i the only one finding this funny? Yea. Thought so.
Love, Oli :)
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